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Book Title: The Chosen Child Syndrome|
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Reader ratings: 4.9
The author of the book: Patricia Love
Date of issue: March 28th 1991
ISBN 13: 9780749910372
Format files: PDF
The size of the: 21.39 MB
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Emotional Incest is something not many people have heard of. It’s when a parent/guardian uses a child to fulfill their emotional needs. Something they should be seeking other adults for. Example: the parent that tells their child every aspect of their day in detail. Or the parent that complains about their problems to their kid. Even the parent that bad mouths their spouse to their kid. The parent in turn is not likely to give the same attention back to the child. It’s all about them. Sometimes they have a best-friends type relationship, or like a spouse with the level of emotional intimacy. The single parent only child dynamic is often prone to emotional incest; however any family can have it. Often once the child grows up they can’t think of any complaints regarding their childhood, but something seems off. It has the possibly of affecting their whole life- especially relationships.
For me the main point of this book was to put a name to the lifestyle in which I grew up. While unsettling that so many childhoods are robbed by selfish or uninformed parents, I found it comforting that I was not alone.
I found the first part of the book, especially the descriptions of emotional incest, to be very well done. The second part (the self-help portion) was not as good. I think my main problem is the author doesn’t address the possibility of a “Cut-Off” with the parents. She does mention many parents that abuse their kids in this manor also have drug or alcohol addictions. Also she points out if your parent won’t listen to you then you shouldn’t confront them on your childhood. Which is a good point- don’t beat your head against a brick wall. But it would be logical to follow up by mentioning- “hey, you don’t have to still see or talk to these people just because they are family. If they are treating you like shi* the drop the rope and be done”. Which I guess is my philosophy in a nutshell.
I will definitely re-read this book in the future. I just will skip the second part. I recommend “Toxic Parents” or “Children of the Self Absorbed” in its place.
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